You Might be Indonesian if...
as retold by Rotua L Tobing
You might be Indonesian if :
- Your stomach growls when you don't eat rice for a day.
- You believe kecap ABC could turn bad cooking to gourmet food.
- You think our country is a democracy.
- You talk during a movie.
- You use a bucket instead of toilet paper in the bathroom.
- You eat fried rice in the morning.
- You prefer Versace or Moschino jeans over Gap or Levi's.
- You don't think Jim Carrey is funny.
- You think Onky Alexander is a hunk.
- You think Rhoma Irama is kampungan.
- You carry a 16 oz. jar of sambal to where ever you travel.
- Driving a car that is cheaper than $15,000 embarrasses you.
- You think dangdut is stupid, but listen to it anyways, because you
- You are willing to travel 25 miles to buy tahu and tempe.
- You are "Dreaming of a WARM Christmas".
- You are very good at avoiding potholes and other road hazards.
- Your local McDonald's serves rice and sambal.
- You think Supermi is a staple food.
- You have ever tried passing a Rp 50 coin as a quarter in a US vending machine/pay phone.
- You have ever successfully bribed a police officer.
- You have ever successfully bribed a customs officer.
- You have smuggled electronics and porn into Indonesia.
- You do your shopping in Singapore.
- Your drivers license claims you are 5 years older then you really are.
- You have ever legally bought pirated software.
- You have ever been forced and indoctrinized to memorize UUD'45.
- You have bought something from a barefooted street peddler.
- You know excactly how many islands Indonesia has.
- You have ever eaten something sold off a cart on wheels.
- You realized that money is everything before you were six.
- The first thing that comes to mind when hearing the word "Jakarta" is "macet".
- Someone you know has ever ridden on top of a train.
- Your daily commute includes thinking up new ways to ride the city bus for free.
- You don't mind people being late.
- You think standing in line is a waste of time.
- You have tried every Monday of your youth trying to avoid upacara bendera.
- You have used a mosquito repellant that looks like a coil and is lit
on one end.
- You use the terms "Ni yee", "cai-lah" and "Ih, jijay" on daily basis.
- You know what Pancasila is, what it means and know it by heart.
- You complain that movies in America don't have sub-titles.
- Your daily conversation may include enactments of TV commercials.
- You have ever consulted a dukun.
- Your whole class has ever cheated on a test, and gotten away with it.
- You have ever spent the night before an exam looking for someone who
sells the questions.
- You like the smell of terasi.
- You think the Thomas Cup is equal to the Super Bowl.
- You can name a manufacturer of shuttlecocks/batminton birdies.
- You have a 16' sattelite dish hidden in your back yard.
- You have ever ridden in a motor vehicle with three wheels.
- You miss your maid during laundry day.
- Your clothing has brandnames printed on it that is visible from 50'
- You attend weddings only until you are done eating.
- You have attended weddings that you are not invited to.
- You go to McDonald's to get your weekly supply of ketchup, salt, pepper and napkins.
- You know more than one music group that stole the tune of Cranberries' "Zombie".
- You have a can of Baygon on your kitchen table.
- You make major decisions based on gengsi.
- You take advantage of Wal-Mart's 30 days money-back-guarantee to borrow" home appliances.
- Someone in your family has extra pockets in his outfit to hide cookies from the all-you-can-eat bar.
- You have paid more then $1000 to get your name on your license plate.
- When watching TV you regularly find that all the channels broadcast
the same thing.
- You know more than 10 acronyms/abbreviations.
- Have goverment officials that always believe that there are 'to help' people.
- Beat on someone's face for a reason as cheap as 5 cents.
- Try to look as young as you could when the bus conductor appears so
that you could get a half price ride.
- Feel hesitate to call the Police for help due to financial reasons.